Giving and Receiving Compliments

Accept compliments with grace:

One mistake that some people make when another person compliments them is to deflect the compliment by saying something like, "Oh, I don't think so." Or, "Oh, no. My hair looks terrible." While you may have been taught to be humble, when another person compliments you, they are taking a chance and reaching out to you. Be gracious, even if you don't agree. When people tell me that I've lost weight, but I know I've gained a few pounds, I just smile and say "thank you" to show that I appreciate the kindness. We should always accept compliments and gifts in the spirit in which they were given. 

Some compliments are NOT appropriate:

There are, though, some things that people should not compliment. While it makes sense for someone to compliment your clothing, your hair, your smile, etc., there are some body parts that are okay to speak about, and others that are not. It should be common sense which are okay and which are not, but let me give you a simple rule. If it's a part of your body that is involved in physical affection between couples, don't say anything about it. That would mean boobs, butt, and lips. It might even extend to legs. So what compliments don't seem creepy? Well, a comment about your hair, maybe your eyes, or certainly about what you're wearing, or something that you did. Of course, if it's your boyfriend or girlfriend complimenting you, then these comments might be okay.

Returning a compliment without lying:

When someone compliments you, you don't always have to say something back. For example, if you brought cake to your friend, and your friend said, "That's delicious cake," no compliment is needed. But if you BOTH brought food to a party, and your friend said something nice about your dish, then you should find something nice to say about what your friend brought. 

That's easy if you like it, but what if you don't? Should you lie? Some people might say that you SHOULD lie about this. They might call it a little white lie, one that doesn't hurt anyone, but is used to keep relationships running smoothly. I have a different idea, though. If you don't like what they brought, you can probably still think of something nice to say without lying. If it didn't taste good, but was very colorful, feel free to say, "Your dish is so colorful." If the dish has a lot of vegetables in it, try saying "your dish looks very healthy." 

This strategy also works well when someone compliments you on your appearance. If you've dressed up for a party, and they say that you're clothes look sharp (for a guy) or "don't you look nice" (for a girl), either find something to compliment honestly, like the color, the fit, or the fabric they're wearing, OR say something like "I don't think I've ever seen you dressed up like this. I like it." The trick here is that the word "it" can honestly mean "being dressed up," but they might take it to mean the clothing they're wearing. 

Giving compliments:

Getting compliments is great, but giving them is even better. It lifts both your day and theirs. Thoughtful compliments are always much appreciated, so when you see someone you know, look for things to comment on. What are some of the language forms of compliments in English? Well, some are obvious, but some are not. Here are some different ways to compliment someone on his or her appearance. Notice the different grammar and vocabulary.

"I like your clothes." (very simple, direct, polite)

"That dress is beautiful." (simple, direct, polite)

"Don't you look nice!" (more expressive and emotional)

"Looking good!" (also emotionally expressive)

"Nice shirt!" (strong emotion, a little surprised)

"That is the most delicious cake." (high praise)

Delayed compliments:

So, what if you have a friend, and he says, "Have I told you how much I like you?", he's not actually asking you a question. He's telling you that he has thought this way about you for a while, and he wants to be sure to tell you. This is unfortunately a little less common among men who seem less likely to express themselves with other friends. Sometimes, we take people for granted, especially the people who are closest to use, and that's not good. Think about the people who are important to you, and say something nice to them TODAY!