Would you mind?

As a child, I was often reminded to say the magic word, "please." Well, there are a few other magic words, too, in English, that will help you to get what you need from the person who has it especially if what you're asking is an inconvenience to the person from whom you're asking it.

One such polite phrase is "would you mind?" Use it and similar phrases often. Let's say you'd like to buy a bottle of water from a vending machine, but you have only a $20 bill. There's a stationery shop near the vending machine. While you might buy something small to break the $20 bill, you really don't need anything that they sell, and you're trying to hold on to your money for a dinner date later. Which of the following would you say?

"I need change for a $20 bill."

"Could you break this $20 bill?"

"Would you mind breaking this $20 bill?"

"I'm sorry. I need to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine, but I only have a $20 bill. Would you mind terribly breaking it for me?"

Is there a right answer to the question? Perhaps not, but there is probably an appropriate answer depending on the person you're speaking with.

If your friend works at the shop, I would probably say the first, and maybe the second, but the third and fourth choices would seem overly polite. Is it wrong to be overly polite with a friend? Yes, it might be. Being overly polite with a friend in a situation like this could put distance between you and that friend, unless, perhaps, the store manager is standing nearby, and you want to give your friend a chance to look good. 

If the clerk is someone I don't know, but who looks kind and friendly, I might ask the second or third question. The fourth one is okay, too, but probably not necessary. The first? Too casual for a stranger. If you use the first, the clerk might do what you ask, but think you are rude.

If the clerk is someone I don't know, but who looks like he or she is having a bad day, then the first choice would definitely seem rude, and maybe the second. The third might be appropriate, but it's the fourth option that I'd take. I might even brighten that clerk's day.

Not long ago, I was in a major grocery store which is not well known for having polite clerks or customers, and I used polite language to ask for something from the deli case. When I finished, the young man thanked me for being polite and told me that it was a refreshing change of pace for him.

Remember, "you get more ants with sugar than with vinegar."

Now ya know!